Getting my independence back

Just over two years ago, my boyfriend and I packed up our lives and moved from a little old town in Wales to the very busy city of London. I was honestly so excited I told everyone I crossed paths with. I had all these hopes and dreams of working somewhere in central London and making loads of new friends and going out all the time, that I couldn’t wait to get down there and start this new chapter in my life. Obviously I was scared too, my parents did so much for me and now it was the first time I actually had to stand on my own two feet and be independent, but my excitement definitely out did my nerves.

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A few months after moving, I started to realise just how hard being independent was. I missed my family and friends so much, my job was horrendous and stressful and made me tired all the time, and when my boyfriend was in work I always felt so lonely. I had only made a couple of friends who were amazing, but they had their own lives too so weren’t always free all the time. I hated being on my own and I hated being in London. I applied for loads of jobs in central London so I could be in the middle of it all and in a bid to make some new friends but was constantly turned down. I had lost all my confidence and was so miserable I never used to leave the flat unless my boyfriend was with me and I used to spend most of my time crying. I couldn’t see how to get out of the way I was feeling and knew things needed to change. I had lost all my confidence and all my independence.

At the beginning of last year my boyfriend and I made the decision that we wanted to buy a house… But where!?! The area we lived in wasn’t the nicest and the surrounding areas were so expensive, we actually debated for a few months whether or not to move back to Wales. Finally after a year of searching we found a house we really liked in Kent, 30 miles from our flat, in an lovely town, only an hour away from London on the train and cheap enough for us to afford (seriously, London house prices are ridiculous).

Buying a house, as exciting as it is, is honestly one of the hardest and stressful things we’ve ever done, but is totally worth it. It gave me a new lease of light and something to focus on when I felt lonely. It has also been a big help in towards getting my independence back. The amount of people you have to deal with and ring on a weekly basis meant that I was building my confidence up bit by bit. I also decided that since we were going to be moving 30 miles away, I was going to get a new job. I applied for loads and got a few call backs and within a month I was offered a job in a place which was right next to my house. They might not have been amazing jobs and certainly aren’t ones I plan on spending the rest of my life in, but a job is a job at the end of the day and I need something that pays the bills ha. Going to those interviews helped me out SO much, I’d definitely recommend it if you’re struggling with your confidence, even if you’re not looking for a new job. After being in a dead end job for 6 years and getting knocked back so much when I was applying for jobs in central London, I thought there was something wrong with me and that I’d never get another job. Now I’ve managed to prove myself wrong and I feel so SO so much happier being away from my old job.

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We have only been in our new house for a month, but the changes I can see in myself and my confidence are amazing. I used to hate ringing people to sort anything out (which is silly when you think about it because you can’t see them and they can’t see you)  but now I’m more than happy to do so, I was scared to apply for jobs incase I got knocked back again but I applied for loads and managed to get a few offers, I was even scared to register with the doctors where I lived last because of the area we were in and I didn’t feel confident enough to just simply walk into a doctors surgery (how silly does that sound) but we’ve registered with one here now.

Everything I’ve done, which may sound so silly to some people, has helped me gain more confidence and slowly helped me to get my independence back. I know I still have a long way to go until I can say I’m confident or that I’m independent, but the small changes I’ve made so far and the way I’ve been pushing myself everyday is certainly helping. I’m hoping by this time next year I will be able to say that I am confident and I am completely independent. If anyone has any tips on helping me a bit more, please let me know, I’d be very grateful and if you are struggling too, try changing just a small thing in your life that is getting you down and you never know what it will do for you 🙂

 

kirstenxo

2 Comments

  1. 22nd August 2017 / 6:22 pm

    This was such a lovely honest piece. I’m so glad I read it as I related on so many levels!
    When I first moved from Somerset to Wales this was me all over. It can be a real confidence knock and take time to really settle and find your place again.

    I’m so happy for you and I’m so glad every thing is finally going well. You’re not silly for feeling those ways though. You will find so many others also struggle with similar sorts of things.

    Cheers to a bright and happy future in your new home together!
    Alys

    • kiirstenjones
      22nd August 2017 / 6:29 pm

      Thank you so much Alys, it really means a lot to me you saying all that. I am happier, much happier now FINALLY and have a good feeling about this place.

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