This time last year my mental health was the absolute worst it had ever been in my entire life. I was being bullied in work over the shift patterns I was working (yes that pathetic), I missed my family and friends from Wales so much and my relationship wasn’t the best it had been. I felt completely alone, I cried most of the hours in a day and in all honesty, I didn’t want to be alive. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong and this was probably the lowest point in my life.
I knew I couldn’t carry on like this and I knew in myself I could get better, I HAD to get better. I took a week off work with a “sickness bug” because I really didn’t want the people I worked with to know why I was off (they were that horrible they’d probably get some sick kick out it) and my boyfriend went back to Wales for the week, so I knew if I went into work and they said anything horrible or made me feel worse than I already did, I’d be scared of my actions! I didn’t tell any of my friends, family or even my boyfriend that I was taking the week off, but I’m so glad I took it as it’s what saved my life.
I came off social media for the first few days, I ate all the food I wanted to eat to comfort myself, I sat and watched hours and hours of films, funny TV programmes and YouTube videos and I rang my mum and told her what was going on. Knowing she was there for me and was on my side made me feel so much better. Mum’s always know and say the right things to help you, don’t they? I started to feel a little better. Being away from all the negativity in work meant I was starting to feel more positive, I was laughing and for once, I was actually enjoying being on my own. I was still struggling with the anxiety of knowing I had to go back to work at some point and face them all, but I was feeling better. I decided to go back onto social media, mainly Twitter and Instagram as most of them didn’t have those and I started to concentrate on my blog.
Writing blog posts started to make me feel more organised so I started organising other parts of my life. I cleaned my entire flat, sorted through all my clothes and cupboards and got rid of anything I didn’t need and I started making lists of things that I wanted in my near future. I finally started to feel in control of my own life again and I couldn’t actually believe I had let pathetic people make me feel so low. I started opening up to the rest of my family, my friends and my boyfriend and they were so supportive. Always giving me encouragement and making me realise that the people I worked with we’re horrible and didn’t deserve any of the energy I was giving them. I went back to work and was surprised by how many people were actually nice to me and told me they missed me HA! I still won’t ever forget how low they made me feel though, and decided the best thing for me to do was get away from them and that job.
Fast forward a year…… I’m in a brand new house (that we bought) in a new town 30 miles away from where we were and the town is much prettier and the people are waaaay nicer here. I have a brand new job which may still be in the same field I was in, but just with a different company and again the people are much nicer here and don’t treat me like a piece of crap. I speak to my friends from Wales much more now and I’m constantly ringing or WhatsApping my family every day so although I don’t see them much I still feel closer to them. My boyfriend also now supports me so much through everything and were the happiest we’ve ever been. If I’m ever feeling down or having a crappy day, they’re all there on the other end of the phone helping me through it. I’ve also started socialising more since moving here. I’m lucky to have a friend out side of work and we see each other quite a bit and I’ve also started socialising with some of the women in work. I finally feel content and the happiest I’ve ever felt since moving away from Wales.
I just wanted to share this post with you to hopefully help others that might be in a similar situation and not sure how to get out of it. I’m so lucky I had so many people around me to support me and I know anyone else going through this will too. I realised being alone might of not been the best idea I could of had at my lowest point, but I’m so glad I managed to get through it and I know others will too. If anyone is in this situation, please feel free to message me through email, twitter or Instagram, I am there for you. I will never let anyone ever make me feel like that again, I only surround myself with positive people and I don’t let anyone speak to me like crap anymore.
YOU GOT THIS, EVERYTHING WILL GET BETTER!!!!!